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<title>ed needs to be vulnerable and everyone knows it except him by MourningDew</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24547594">ed needs to be vulnerable and everyone knows it except him</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MourningDew/pseuds/MourningDew'>MourningDew</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Panic Attack, Tourettes Syndrome, Trauma, roy is best dad he just doesnt know it yet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:56:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,108</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24547594</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MourningDew/pseuds/MourningDew</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>ed has been acting weird and despite everything mustang says, he's worried about him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>150</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>ed needs to be vulnerable and everyone knows it except him</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Roy mustang prided himself on his perceptive abilities. They’ve saved his life countless times and will continue to do so without a doubt- especially with the outrageous goals he’s set for himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Give him an hour and a small crew and he can find a stranger’s address, name, family, favorite food, and financial situation. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Roy has spent years not only honing his own skills, but also those of his followers’. He was determined to have the ultimate team. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>However, he’s noticed something off about the latest addition to his forces, Edward Elric. Of course there’s a lot of things off about him- he committed a taboo at twelve years old and turned his brother into a suit of armor- but this was beyond that. Fullmetal usually seemed to have things under control in a bitter, determined sort of way, but now even that was starting to chip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whenever left alone long enough, he would get a faraway look in his eye. When touched, he would flinch. He spoke more quietly and was even </span>
  <em>
    <span>quicker</span>
  </em>
  <span> to snap at people. To anyone who had known Edward for more than a few days, it was obvious something was up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All he could assume is that something went wrong while he was away from central, but he didn’t talk about it and Alphonse seemed perfectly fine, if a little worried about his brother. It was all very suspicious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>During Fullmetal’s report Roy asked if something happened while he was away; the kid was awkward in reassuring him that everything was fine (he should really work on his acting). Hitting a dead end there, he went to find the younger brother instead.</span>
</p>
<p><span>Roy ran into him in the halls of central. “Is Fullmetal not with you?”</span><span><br/></span> <span>Alphonse shook his head, “brother is at the library.”</span><span><br/></span> <span>“...Have you noticed something off about him, lately?” </span></p>
<p>
  <span>Alphonse twitched, but beyond that, there was no reaction. Damn that suit of armor- the only reading he could ever get was from the child’s voice. “...I have,” he admitted quietly, “sometimes he gets like this. I’m sorry if he’s causing problems…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No more than usual,” Roy sighed. If anything, he was causing less. “Can you tell me what happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not really. It’s… well it’s not my place to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So it was something personal, then. “Alright. Thanks anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anytime, Colonel!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Watching Fullmetal give his report was giving him secondhand stress.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was so obvious he was trying to keep himself under control; every few sentences he would have to clam up and get back his composure, and his metal arm was clenched tightly in his pocket; sometimes, Roy could hear it rattle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fullmetal,” he interrupted, knowing that if he didn’t, the lieutenant standing stiff behind him would, “is something wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing’s wrong. Why would it be,” Ed replied with a surprising lack of emotion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And if he had been talking to literally anyone other than the pipsqueak Fullmetal Alchemist, he would’ve second guessed himself and put the whole matter out of his mind until he had better evidence. Unfortunately, that totally calm response was the biggest red flag he’s seen yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy leaned over his desk and clasped his hands together, “because, you’re obviously not acting like yourself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What, do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> me to kick a hole through your door?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course not,” Mustang waved a dismissive hand, “but I can’t very well send you out on missions when you’re mentally unstable. It’s at my discretion whether-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mentally-” Fullmetal gaped, outrage in his eyes, and Roy knew he struck a nerve, “mentally </span>
  <em>
    <span>unstable!?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. It’s quite clear when you look at the-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I’m not unstable! You’re just stupid!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy sighed, “now you’re just proving my point for me. Anyone who was stable wouldn’t react like this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fullmetal froze for a moment, then stomped toward his desk and slammed down his unfinished report. “Read it yourself, then! If you’re just gonna accuse me…” he muttered and slammed the door behind him on his way out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...You could have handled that better,” the lieutenant commented professionally. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy leaned back in his chair, thumbing through the messy report, “what would you have done?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I likely would have offered time off or emotional support.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But how do you support someone like that…” he wondered quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both of those boys have been to hell and back multiple times now and, while Roy has seen his own fair share of bloodshed, he has no idea what they’ve gone through when he wasn’t looking. He has no idea how Fullmetal has taken to processing his trauma- actually, maybe he hasn’t been. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That would be a bit of a problem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy lowered his head into his arms, fully intent on sleeping on his paperwork. He couldn’t wait for the day he was the one standing on a mountain of soldiers being the ultimate slave driver. It was exhausting to deal with.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He lay there for maybe five minutes until the lieutenant spoke up from the other side of the room, “Colonel, it’s unprofessional to sleep there. You should be working.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy wallowed in the weight of his life for a moment longer before finally sitting up and peeling a report off his face- Fullmetal’s, he realized after a moment. “...Do you know anything about kids?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean, sir?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy slouched in his chair, looking at the messy handwriting. “Like… what’s going through their heads all the time. What makes them act like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The lieutenant approached and unceremoniously dropped even more paperwork on his desk. “With all due respect, you can’t generalize something like children, sir.” She frowned, “especially not someone like Fullmetal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy scowled, “it’s like he thinks he’s responsible for the Earth turning. He’s so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>emotional. </span>
  </em>
  <span>All the time. It sounds exhausting.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The lieutenant returned to her desk without comment. Roy lazily skimmed about half of Fullmetal’s report before she spoke up, “I think you should talk to him if you get the chance. Offer him your support.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...I doubt he’d take it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few days passed in which he didn’t see either Fullmetal or his brother. Roy got wrapped up in work, being pulled every which way by his shitty superiors. On the third day it even rained, which completely soured his mood. The world really seemed to have it out for him lately.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the storm finally passed, he took the opportunity to handle some ground work he’d been putting off. The streets were filled with puddles and the sky was grey, but there was a nice, cool breeze that made it alright. Even the lieutenant at his side seemed to enjoy it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t expect to run into Fullmetal in the shopping district, though- much less to catch him staring at the clouds with empty eyes. He didn’t even react when Roy came right up next to him. “...Hey,” he said after a moment, putting a hand on his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fullmetal immediately flinched, ripping himself away, “Wh-... Colonel!? What are you doing here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy crossed his arms, “you say that like I just barged into your house. What were you doing just now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Th-thinking.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy fixed him with an unimpressed look, but didn’t get the chance to say anything about it as Alphonse joined the group with a back of groceries. “Oh, good afternoon, Colonel Mustang.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy went to respond, but Fullmetal talked over him, “did you find everything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes… oh, except for a couple of vegetables. I found substitutes, but…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ed waved him off, “it’s fine.”</span>
</p>
<p><span>Watching the brothers interact would have been reassuring- Alphonse seemed in high spirits and Fullmetal </span><em><span>seemed</span></em><span> to be doing better- but Ed had exhaustion written all over his face and, every few minutes, he would flick his metal wrist with a sharp </span><em><span>click.</span></em><span> The entire way he held himself screamed nervous.</span><span><br/></span> <span>“-Well, see you later, Colonel. Lieutenant,” Alphonse said as Fullmetal was already walking the other way.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>Roy shared a brief look with Hawkeye before he joined Alphonse. “We were going this way, too. Why don’t we all walk together?”</span>
</p>
<p><span>“Oh, okay-” </span><span><br/></span> <span>Ed immediately whipped around, “what the hell!? Leave us alone already!”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Brother, be nice!”</span>
</p>
<p><span>“To </span><em><span>him?</span></em> <em><span>Ugh.</span></em><span>” Fullmetal groaned dramatically, scowling at him.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>Roy rolled his eyes, “calm down, it’s just a walk.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ed made a show of grumbling and falling into step with them, but was quiet after that. The lieutenant and Alphonse started talking about recent happenings, discussing different people and missions. At one point the conversation shifted to the Elric brothers’ purchases; apparently Alphonse had insisted on making a stew that Edward used to love. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Apparently </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ed hadn’t been eating well lately- skipping meals and snacking on unhealthy things on the go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fullmetal kept his head down the whole time. His hands stayed in his pockets and his eyes glued to the sidewalk. That’s how he stayed for almost the entire walk; at this point he must know for a fact that Roy was just following him, but he still didn’t say anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They passed a small playground with children messing around in the mud. Finally, at the sound of a squeal of delight, Ed looked up. Children threw slop at each other, splashed through puddles, and did so completely unapologetically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy would probably always envy that about children. He had no idea how to treat one, much less talk to one, but he admired their purity. Maybe that was why Fullmetal made him worry so much; he was so young, but he’d already been through so much and then went and joined the army of all things. It was ridiculous. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A pair of girls cackled as they wrestled. One tackled the other to the ground with a big, muddy splash and went to tickle her. She quickly began to struggle and then scream, arching her back and thrashing around in the mess. It didn’t take long for her to throw the other off, but they were both coated at this point.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy smiled a bit and turned to Fullmetal to make a sarcastic remark, but the words died in his throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ed trembled where he stood, his eyes wide as he heaved unsteady breaths. Roy had </span>
  <em>
    <span>no clue</span>
  </em>
  <span> what the hell happened, but he still stepped carefully in front of him. “Fullmetal, you have to breathe. What happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That immediately got Alphonse’s attention, who quickly moved to step in. “Brother? Brother, can you-” he gasped when Ed suddenly took off down the street, almost tripping over his own feet multiple times.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was that a panic attack?” Roy asked, going after him at a jog.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s been a bit since his last one…” Alphonse admitted, the worry crystal clear in his voice, “I don’t know what happened just now, though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He cut through that alley,” the lieutenant announced, pointing ahead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all put on the speed and rounded the corner in time to see Ed staggering and falling to lean heavily against the wall, clearly gasping for breath. Alphonse was with him in an instant, kneeling in front of him and talking quickly. “Stay with me, brother. It’s okay. Everything’s okay. I’m here. I’m here…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy took a couple steps in, but froze when he realized just what he’d gotten himself into. Ed was knelt in the mud, heaving for breath, apologizing endlessly, as his body was wracked with shudders. Actually, not just shudders- there was a distinct way his metal arm would jerk and his head would twitch that wasn’t normal. He’s seen it before in other soldiers with PTSD, but he couldn’t put a name to it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>...What had he expected himself to do for this child? Here Roy was, thinking he would step in and magically find the cure to whatever Ed was dealing with. Of course he never thought it’d be easy, but he thought it would be something he had </span>
  <em>
    <span>some </span>
  </em>
  <span>power over. Like some stupid kid’s insecurity, or a dumb worry, or… anything but fucking panic attacks and PTSD. He was in </span>
  <em>
    <span>way </span>
  </em>
  <span>over his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ed made a choking sound and Roy suddenly realized just how loud the shaking of his automail was. Sure enough, a small crowd was beginning to gather. An old woman was inching her way in, asking if everything was alright.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy blocked the way in with his body, the lieutenant joining him immediately. “I apologize for the disturbance,” he began professionally, “but there is a situation here you need not be involved in. It’s under control. As you were.” Some of the people who gathered obviously weren’t very happy with this, but when it was made obvious that they weren’t about to move, they did as told and left. Roy sighed heavily and quietly approached the brothers, trying his best to give them space in the small alley. “...What can I do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alphonse pulled his brother a little closer to himself, seemingly on instinct alone. “Well… we usually try to wait it out, but…” he trailed off at the sound of Ed’s muffled groan; he seemed to curl in on himself, pressing his face into his hands. Al was quick to take him gently by the wrists and pull his shaking fists away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Despite having no facial expressions, it was clear Al made up his mind about something. “If you would, please put your hands on him. Anywhere he can feel. We need to ground him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy and the lieutenant both dropped to their knees in the mud at once; he put a gentle hand on Fullmetal’s back and rubbed up in down in- what he hoped to be- comforting strokes. Hawkeye took to rubbing his flesh arm and shoulder, looking like she was trying to massage away the painful tension in it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ed shuddered violently at the touch, but he didn’t lash out, which was promising. He made pained noises every other breath as Alphonse worked desperately to try to get him breathing again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy could feel a heavy, depressing lump of sympathy in his gut as he watched Fullmetal work himself up. Every shudder and twitch seemed completely involuntary- especially in the head and right arm, he noticed again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Are these tics?” He asked suddenly, finally remembering what they were called.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alphonse looked sharply at him, but never got to confirm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shut up,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ed snapped. “Shut up- just </span>
  <em>
    <span>shut up.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He wheezed sharply- the deepest breath he’s taken yet- and twisted to glare at him. “No they’re not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy was taken aback at how fierce his eyes were, but then the anger seemed to drain out of him all at once and he looked like he might stab himself in the leg. Roy rubbed his back a little firmer. “It wouldn’t matter if they were,” he said quietly, “it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Ed tugged harshly on his hands, but Alphonse wouldn’t release him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I do,” Roy spoke evenly, “I was part of the war with Ishval. I knew many soldiers that developed tics and had tourettes and all sorts of other disorders.” He waited for Ed to yell at him again, but it never happened. “...There was one woman who had a tic where she would just say </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘fuck’</span>
  </em>
  <span> over and over again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took a second for Roy to realize that Ed’s shaking had calmed to a steady tremble, though he shuddered every time Roy made a pass over his shoulder blades. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shared a look with Hawkeye, who shifted a little closer to Ed and began to speak, “it was a long time ago, but I remember a little boy who made whistling noises all the time. And a man who shouted. Neither could really control it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alphonse rubbed gentle circles into both of Ed’s wrists, “...can you take a deep breath now, brother?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a long moment of nothing until, finally, Ed took a deep, shaking breath. Finally, Al released his hands and he wiped at his face with his sleeve. “...Well, that was stupid,” he muttered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No it wasn’t!” Al knocked Ed gently on the head, “that was your shortest one yet!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That lasted almost fifteen minutes… how long are they usually?” a bit of sadness seeped into Roy’s voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately, Ed picked up on it and whirled on him, “don’t pity me, Colonel </span>
  <em>
    <span>bastard.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He squirmed and pushed their hands away before turning to face them head on, leaning against his brother who automatically put a protective hand on his arm, despite the occasional jerking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sometimes they last half an hour,” Alphonse ratted out his brother, “but then there’s a bunch of after effects that last even longer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the hell, Al!?” Ed craned his neck back to scowl at him, but it was awkward with the armor’s chest plate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This definitely wasn’t what Roy wanted to hear. The way they both handled themselves during that- the way Ed immediately extracted himself from the situation and found somewhere to hide and how Alphonse seemed to know exactly what to do- spoke volumes about how often this happened. “Edward.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fullmetal snapped to attention at his name, “...w-what? What do you want?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy put a steady hand on his good shoulder, “if you’re having an attack anywhere near my office, I order you to go straight there.” Ed gaped at him, but he didn’t stop there, “I’ll have more windows installed specifically so you can see who’s inside before you enter. I don’t care what I’m in the middle of. Come in and either I or the lieutenant will assist you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suspicion was written all over Fullmetal’s face, then his head jerked to the side and it went straight to irritation. “Why would you do that? I’m just a stupid kid to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hardly. I’m your superior. That means I’m responsible for your well being. Plus, if you’re having meltdowns in the halls it’ll be bad for my reputation.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ed scowled, “wow… right.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roy squeezed his shoulder, feeling the way he shivered from the simple touch, “but beyond all that… it’s ridiculous how much you’ve taken on yourselves. ...Let the adults handle it, for once.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ed didn’t look convinced, but Alphonse sounded so, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>relieved </span>
  </em>
  <span>as he thanked them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once they parted ways that day, Roy returned to daily business. It was empty, grueling work, but he persisted. It was radio silence from the Elric brothers and he could only hope that, whatever they were doing, they were okay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After two weeks, Ed practically kicked down his door and collapsed on his couch, a mess of shudders and gasps and- despite how scared the kid was- Roy couldn’t help but be relieved that he came to him for help in the end.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm thinking about turning this into a series about roy slowly becoming ed's new dad but idk</p>
<p>also my experiences with tourettes is limited to research and a friend, so if you have it don't hesitate to tell me about it. you can also message me @nexmakesquestionablefics about anything- the fic, ptsd, ANYTHING. meeting people is great</p></blockquote></div></div>
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